Tonight I'm all dolled-up for a night on the town. A night with my girls. A night to just chiiiiill. And you know what? For all of those cute boots I've gotten my shoe of choice is always my chucks.

What can I say. It's part of who I am. Cause as much as I can dress and act like a "grown-up" or "fiercely" I just love my Converse. There's always that something that will keep me young and keep me ME.

I run my mouth too much. And the sad thing is its never really out of anger or contempt for the other person, I just run my mouth because I can sometimes. Isn't that sad? That the power and intent of my words are lost at times for no reason? How dumb. So that's a part of my New Years resolution. I am going to pay more attention to what I say- who it affects, the tone, all of it. Cause I've got some important things to say, but every time I speak out of bitterness or anger *blip* it negates something nice I've said.

Sometimes I think I'm living my life backwards. I've learned some of the tough lessons that adults struggle with but I'm still stumbling over things most people learn in high school: what it means to be in a relationship, how to avoid gossiping, how to get along with parents-although I suspect many adults struggle with this one as well. I'm making the mistakes of my youth about 4 years after most people. But what can I do but learn and move on? And most importantly admit when I've been an ass. As Mraz said, "...make my mistakes look gracious and learn some lessons from my wrongs..."

I want to be less selfish in my relationships. I want to judge less. I want to see people for their whole story and even if I don't like it, respect it. I want to learn how to keep a secret.

And with that I am signing off. I hope you all have a cherished New Year with people you love.

I'm off to get crunk. Peace bitches.

Mariah

No, not St. Nick. St. Chris. He duh man.

Quarter-over.

Overall damages- Ended in the green this time! I had a really good jury, but I know I can still do better. Nevertheless, the performer in me is finally showing her face. My face. Our face?

I had all of these sweet ideas brewing in my head about things to write but I think I'm going to jot them down on my own first and polish them up a bit before spitting them out on the interwebz. I'm really only thinking of you folks. No point in wasting their time...which is what I'm doing now.

Is it weird that whenever I see "polish" as in a stone or a lacquer of the nail variety I read "Polish" as in someone from Warsaw or Cracow?

Anyways, Midwest was freaking amazing. I feel very pumped full of knowledge, but it is very frustrating because right now I don't have a program. So here I am with a huge amount of motivation and passion and no outlet. So I practice. A lot. Oh my God, I love my horn. It's pretty much an addiction at this point. Instead of taking all of this energy I have and investing it in thoughts that inhibit my success- giving energy to doubts and negativity- I just practice. And it makes me happy. There was a quote from the concert that was beautiful in its simplicity: "Just keep practicing...everything else will follow." Boosh.

St. Christopher is supposed to be the saint of travel, but I don't think that's what I get out of him. In case you aren't familiar with the legend of St. Christopher, this is it in a very small and awful nutshell:

He was a bigass dude with an awful Rasputin-esque face. He started following the devil because his king feared the devil. Then he found a man who claimed to be the devil avoid signs of the cross. He then magically decided to become a Christian and found Hermit X on the side of the road who taught him all about the faith. He decided that he can best serve Christ by utilizing his strength and height and helping people cross a dangerous river where they would otherwise die. One day he was helping a child cross on his shoulders. As he was carrying him, the child became heavy as lead and the river became swift and swollen with water. Still, Chris pressed on. Turns out the baby was Jesus, who revealed Himself as such to Chris and then peaced.

So, I don't really see the traveling thing. What I see and why I wear him around my neck is because he first chose to use the gifts that God gave him to help serve those around him. When the elements seemed against him and the weight of the world was on his shoulders he chose to persevere. His tale is a testament to strength and service even when it is the most difficult. When we are tired, we must continue to put once foot in front of the other because the other side of the river will come. And in the moment of revelation on the other side, it will make it all worth it.

Here's hoping I can do this. Or that all of us can do this. It's most of the battle I think. But what do I know?

Whatever happened to the 9o's style long hair on boys? Like Tommy on 3rd Rock from the Sun! I like it...

OK, bedtime. Wow, that actually turned into something!!!

MKH

The Hulk is Angry.

Mom, don't call me about any of this. I'll talk about it when I'm ready and it not I repeat not about you.

I am sick and tired of the one that tries to take things and learn from them. I am tired of being the one that gets discarded or takes a back seat. I am so freaking tired that every time I think shit's finally coming together, it finds a way to fall apart all over again.

I am a hell of a lot stronger than people think I am. They take my willingness to learn as weakness and that is their mistake. I will fight for what I believe in and what I want. And I'm so tired of playing the game, trying to act removed or "keep things in perspective" all the time. I dream big, but I have always achieved big as well. And if I want something I will sacrifice all that I have to make it work because I truly believe that if there's a will there's a way.

Maybe it's my turn to get pissed at all of it. Maybe it's my turn to be fueled by my anger and passion.

Jesus, I need a vacation.