When I was in high school I wasn't terribly interested in any of the boys at my school, nor were they interested in me. I sat around all day dreaming and fantasizing about love and the life I would create for myself.
It has taken me a while to realize that I have an active role in creating the situations I find myself in. I don't have to daydream anymore because the opportunities I always thought about have presented themselves. But much like a cliff doesn't look that high until you choose to jump off it, the risks I am taking and the vulnerability I am showing are petrifying.
As always the daily love email swooped in and comforted me with Mastin's divinely sent words. Fear comes from the unknown and from the need for love. All of the defenses we build up in our lives are a byproduct of us leaving ourselves vulnerable to someone and then being hurt or disappointed. But what's left after we have gotten out of those situations that do not fulfill us? Do we choose to protect ourselves from the opportunities that present themselves to us and because of this never grow? I am trying to open up. I am trying to choose the path of love. It is freaking terrifying. And I'm not quite sure how it will pan out. But this time I am different- I have a level of self-worth that wasn't there before. I have my own joy and my own path that I am unwilling to sacrifice for "love". So....here we go.
Here's to another great adventure,
Mariah
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