I am having an angry day so bear with me.

Not everything is sex.

Intimacy is not sex. Sex is not intimacy. In an ideal world, sex and intimacy would be connected, but the only source of intimacy in your life is not sex.
The Maori have this practice called hongi. It's a greeting where the nose and forehead of the two people meet and they breathe the same air together. They share the same life force. It isn't a kiss. It isn't a let's sleep together. It's a connection as human beings.
I am so frustrated in the polarization and sexualization of our society. Maybe it has just been my experiences that have caused me to feel confined, and maybe I am the one limiting myself. But if I trust you, whether you are a boy or a girl, it doesn't mean I want to sleep with you. It means I want to connect with you as a human. It means that you mean something to me but it doesn't necessarily mean that I want to date you. In some cases it doesn't mean that I don't. But it shouldn't be a default.

Maybe it's because I wasn't that close with my family for a long time that I felt this way. Maybe it's because I didn't trust people and never got that close to them because of it that I am just figuring this out. All my life I thought one day I would meet a man, he would see all my flaws and all of my beauty and we'd fall madly in love and never be parted again. But it's not like that! I am meant to connect with other people too! I can get to know people and share in their humanness and we can connect but I don't have to fucking sleep with them. God damn. Ugh.

This post may very well be for myself, so I can finally get that. Anyways, I'm gonna go.
Later,
Mariah