All night I dreamt that Henry and I were ready to settle down, that we had both found good and secure jobs and it was time, and that he was asking me to try again. I hate my mind. It always does this, fabricates things that aren't true but the things I wish were true the most.
I don't think I'll meet another man whose love for the British Navy is equal to mine.
I always believed that when people said "The timing wasn't right" they just weren't trying hard enough. Now I get it. But I really really wish I didn't. Because reality SUCKS. It's inevitable, it hunts down the mind of the dreamer and slowly just disintegrates the foundation of their beliefs. I'm not sure what I'm left with now, other than a completely broken heart. I tried so freaking hard, and he did too, but you can't change busy schedules. You can't change that at the end of the day we were both to exhausted to appreciate each other. We were just holding on for dear life and hoping the storm stopped soon. But it didn't. And it won't because then there's grad school. Then we don't know where we will actually get jobs. And as much as we'd like to think that we can make it...I guess we just couldn't.
I don't want to move.
I don't want to talk.
I just want to be left alone.
I am completely broken.
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