Oh-Em-Gee, Music to Life Connection!

OK, here's a quick little thought that I may expand on later but wanted to release into the universe.

Dr. Allen today was discussing with Steven Bryant and Michael Gilbertson how he believes that it is the performers job to hone in on that moment of spontaneity that every composer has when they create and then convey that to the audience. That essentially it is our job to tap into the wild nothingness of the universe and bring to life this miraculous something-out-of-nothingness that occurs within every composer's head. I think that this is very true, that above all else most composers want to hear what is in their head and that spirit and spark of their creation. Or maybe it's just their interpretation of something boppin' around out in the cosmos. The point I'm trying to make is I think this can be directly applied to every day life. If we get so bogged down in the technique- aka overweigh every decision and thought- we miss the overall meaning and the music-making taking place in our own lives. We essentially miss that spark. The same is to be said about underpreperation. We do not want the music to be inaccurate or sloppy. When mistakes are made, we will learn from them and practice those skills until they are natural to us. But in the end the plane of existence we desire, whether it be on stage or on the street is a place where we feel our own spark and it feels natural. There is no thought required in this place of existence. We just kind of are.

And so my friends I retire to bed, tomorrow is another day of chasing that spark. God help me...

MKH

Finding Our Own Adventures

As a kid I was always in love with epic stories of adventure and heros. I became obsessed with Star Wars as a kid, then The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and even today when I am exposed to these previous obsessions I feel this tug inside of me.

After seeing Harry Potter at midnight I naturally passed out for about 4 hours. During this queer little nap all I did was dream like I was in Harry Potter- a stick in my hand held immediate power and good and evil were clear-cut. I woke up the next morning feeling very...empowered. As I went through my day however this feeling began to diminish due to the fact that my day was incredibly unepic in every way. As I analyzed my life and compared it to all of those stories I had read in books this shroud was thrown over my eyes and everything I saw was tinted grey. A good day was not good enough. A laugh, not hearty enough. As dumb as it was, I started to frown on my life. Where is that adventure I craved?

In hindsight, it was there all along. The reason so many people are drawn to stories and movies is because the lines of good and evil are definite and extreme. Does Frodo take the ring or no? Do Harry, Ron, and Hermoine decide to fight Voldemort or no? And we in the audience sit back and fantasize about what we would do in their situations, most of us thinking that we would take the challenge! There is an adventure to be had, a world to save! But I think now that maybe there is an adventure to be had in all of our lives. Granted right and wrong are less distinct, but in the end the lessons we learn are no less valuable. When we accomplish something difficult do we not feel triumphant? When we let go of someone we love, do we not feel pain? This life is as epic as any novel or tale, we just have to be willing to suck the very marrow out of it.

"Listen- are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?"

-Mary Oliver

I am grateful for my life, and not that I am in college or in music. I just feel grateful to breathe and live. And I am grateful for the control to take my life as far as I want it to.

Off for a few deep breaths and then counterpoint.

Here's to trying to walk the walk and not just talk the talk,

MKH

My Bucket List

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"
— Mary Oliver (New and Selected Poems)

1-Stand on the White Cliffs of Dover

2- Make Dave Matthews laugh

3- Go to Africa. Learn from their resilience and spirit.

4- Love completely and deeply

5- Find a vocation that I #4

6- Write a song

7- Write a symphony

8- Go to culinary school

9- Visit a hot spring in Japan

1o- Take my grandmother back to England

11- Learn Russian

12- Write a book

13- Make a movie

14- Go back to Eastern Europe and explore

15- Bike across the US....or just down the east coast

16- Learn to surf.

17- Find the magic in this world.

18- Never let the dreamer inside of myself die.

I have not done any of these things completely yet. But I feel so much appreciation for the fact that they are even possible. I've forgotten what it's like to dream. And now I feel reawakened.

"When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world."
— Mary Oliver

IMPOSTER!

A funny thought occurred to me recently: I am an imposter of myself. I know you're all going "What the hell is this chick talking about??" Let me tell you- I impersonate other people all the time and I am damn good at it. When I played sports or my horn or even interacted with those around me it seems like I am always trying to convey someone else. It's a strange way to live- I am constantly picturing myself through other people's eyes and how every action must look. Throughout my life I have encountered many people I respect, admire, and love. Without thinking about it I have taken what I like about them in terms of demeanor, body gestures, everything, and started doing them. It's really kind of creepy. And actually really exhausting. I'm kind of done living my life as a hodge-podge of different people. And I'm tired of seeing myself through everyone else's eyes. There's a ton of people who do that already. So mayyyybe I should just start living my own life. Just a thought.

On a lighter note- my cousin Jen's wedding last weekend was awesome. It made me realize how much I love my family. They surround me with love and laughter and acceptance. And food. Who else will play horse with me after too much champagne and still in clothes from the wedding? They will always be some of the most important people to me. Plus my sister and I got to bond which was so much fun. I'm kicking myself for pushing her away for so many years.

And finally- everyone should go see the Harry Potter movie. EVERYONE. End o' story.

Carpe Diem!

MKH

I F@$*ing Did It.

There was a Mraz post a little while ago that was titled, "You F@$*ing Did It." I thought it was a little ridiculous for a mantra, so it made me chuckle and then I moved on with life. But much like some Chappelle Show quotes which I shall not mention here, today this popped into my head.

Set at 73o AM

Warm-up

Classes

2 exams

1 6-page paper

1 concert playing

1 concert working

1 sectional

1 quartet rehearsal

Practicing

Dealing with cramps, which are more debilitating than men will ever know.

At school and focused from 73o AM- 1o3o PM. But all I can say right now is: "I F@$*ing Did It."

I am grateful for this newfound ability to focus. It's changing mah life.

Alright, I'm going to bed. I earned it!

Fierce+Weird= Weirce.

MKH

Ay, there's the rub

I can't keep my major for more than a quarter it seems. I just want to play my horn. And I want to teach...but horn. I want that more than anything, more than I would like to be a band director or any kind of music teacher.

Maybe it's time that I freaking admit that to myself and trust that belief.

Dear God,

I would really like to stop second guessing myself now.

Lots of Love,

Mariah

What a week...mungtastic

It has been quite a week....plagued by death and sadness and this little black raincloud that has followed around a great number of people I care about.

I am OK. My life is good. But it hurts me to see them hurting. And I have taken it upon myself to fix everything....and after an intense breakdown in my lesson that ended in me sobbing, I need to find my balance. Again. I can be a good friend, a caring person, but I can't fix people. It's not my job. I can only do so much.

"I am no superman/ I have no answers for you/ I am no hero aw that's for sure..."

I am kind of done talking about this now. Time to turn over a new leaf.

I got this sweeeeet hat. And a purple hoodie. Check it:

#1- I would never do that to Dave.

#2- I got nuffin.

#3- required apathetic hipster look.

A Very Sensitive Subject

There is a subject that has been eating away at me for a while and based on recent events I feel the need to speak up. I cannot stand for or support the stigma that surrounds mental health issues and therapy. As a country we are learning to incorporate extreme learning, physical, and mental disabilities but when someone talks about going to see a therapist I feel that many people still don't support that decision.

The human mind is the motor of our entire being. Just like a car, sometimes you need to take it to the mechanic for a tune-up. It may be something minor, like an oil change. Or it may be that all of the screws are coming undone. No matter how much you want to ignore the clunking, it will not get better.

The thing that frustrates me the most are the people who think that a mentally ill person can just "suck it up." They can't. They are SICK. If your child had a fever raging inside of them, wouldn't you take them to the hospital? This is the SAME thing. It cannot be ignored. I have learned recently of a young man whose parents ignored his mental issues even after concerned professionals contacted them multiple times. He ended up taking his own life. The thing that is most frustrating to the people who knew and loved him is that his death could've been prevented. Take a moment and let that sink in....there is a strong chance that this man who filled the world with love and light would still be here if his need to seek professional help had been supported.

So many people suffer needlessly. It's just heartbreaking. And it's time that it's stopped.