Insomia #1

Practicing chromatics as 11pm. iPod on shuffle, Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis comes on. For some reason I cannot help what comes into my mind- just me on the oval, alone, with the stars.

“Mine was the vast dark sky and the spaces between the stars that called out to me; mine was the promise of magic.”

I needed to write, I needed to just close my eyes and let it all pour out of me. This is what came out:

"Sometimes my mind aches with the weight of it all, but at the same time there is an explosion- of joy and sorrow. Of the contradiction of emotions. And how pain and joy join hands and walk the path of life together. I feel tiny and larger than life at the same time. I am all powerful, but a conduit for God's will. I live for a moment, a moment when life combusts, the air is too thick for it not to ignite! I am an instrument, and in the forgetting of myself I am fulfilled.

The rustle of the trees, the depth of the twilight sky, the sound of the rain, the smell of the sea, the taste of absolute freedom...

This is music for me and this is why I could never do anything else."

That is what I am grateful for today.

The risk

"It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah, but what if it does?"

The question is- is it worth it? Is it worth taking the risk to get to know someone? People permeate other lives and bleed into your thoughts. Soon certain things remind you of them, certain phrases and books and music. Sometimes I like to think about all of our paths as a bunch of different lines. I mean, close your eyes and literally picture it. A blank white sheet with a red line. I can see all of the people who have really impacted my life. Some lines slice through my line, colliding with me for only an instant. Other times they run along side my line, skimming and skipping along the surface. The risk we all take at getting to know someone is the chance and almost the probability that life will take then somewhere else. And that quite frankly you will be sad to see them go, whether it be a physical leaving or an emotional one. Whether it be college or the end of a relationship, growing apart...it sucks. And I am not talking about romantic love necessarily, there are so many kinds of love in this world. So here's the question again- is the risk worth it?

I'd like to think so.

Gratitude for the day- Pillows. Andy from Weeds once said how the proper sleeping position needs 3 pillows: one for the head, one for between the legs, and one for cuddling. I couldn't agree more! These things are tiny little clouds of contentment.

MKH

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?

OK. I am totally freaking out. Heres what went down:

We were doing our quarterly stand and chair sorting for stage crew. Department certified. We are paid by the School of Music.

Aaaaaalright. So the round-up at Weigel went off without a hitch. That's fantastic. And then we moved onto Hughes. What is the one major difference between Hughes and Weigel?

THE JANITORS.

Henry had a freak encounter with one earlier in the summer in which involved an improper slash non-existent block of a bathroom. The janitor WATCHED HIM FINISH PEEING. What the hell????

Our job is to go through Hughes and collect all stands, chairs, and tables and put them in their respective places- stands go to 109, tables to Weigel, chairs to their respective buildings. While we gather the goods we propped the door of the elevator open with a chair. Sweeping a floor takes no more than 3 minutes.

The story picks up when we are on the third floor all the way down the hall from the elevator. From this point on I will continue like a novel.

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" the enraged janitor shouted, snatching the chair from the elevator door and whipping it down the hallway.

The 4 of us stood frozen with wide eyes and stands in our hands.

"YOU CAN'T PROP THE ELEVATOR OPEN! I'VE ALREADY TALKED TO THEM ABOUT YOU DOING THIS! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"

My mind was completely frozen but soon I felt the all to familiar rush of anger, a rush I last got when arguing with my parents in high school. I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly Nathaniel rushed forward. I closed my mouth, satisfied with the man chosen to represent our side of the argument.

What followed next was an onslaught of insults, literally a verbal battle. The janitor would foolishly throw out the best insults he could come up with only to be countered by Nathaniel's remarks.

" I don't care about any of you kids." A spoken stab aimed directly at the heart.

"Well we don't care about you!" A parry! Haha!

Soon the fighting was reaching an awkward kind of stagnant- the remaining three of us sought shelter in an occupied practice room...

This did not improve the awkwardness of the situation. Sorry Norman.

After vacating the practice room we headed to the fourth floor stairwell. To eavesdrop of course.

It seemed like by this time they were beginning to exhaust themselves. The janitor had been backed into a corner- all he had left was wild accusations and a threat to call the cops. Over a held elevator. That, dear sir, is a SEVERE overreaction.

Soon they parted ways, Nathaniel peeved but not even red in the face.

I believe this entire ordeal was made both more uncomfortable for the janitor because of an encounter we had not 5 minutes before. *fade into flashback* I had entered a completely dark staff lounge to gather stands only to be confronted with an aggressive, "Can I help you?!?". By this same janitor. Sitting alone. On the couch. In the dark. On his shift. With his glasses off. And I was the one intruding right? I was the one in the wrong. Paha, right. *end flashback*

Essentially this is the end of the story.

I don't want this guy to get fired. And honestly I can even identify with his frustration...mostly because the janitors have a tendency to hold the elevators in the morning. But for me it was the giant lack of respect that he showed. I have always tried to be kind or at least tolerant and polite to them. I mean, they're janitors in Hughes Hall- chances are they don't live a charmed life. And there's also the fact that every human being deserves to be treated with some kind of decency. But he has never been anything but rude to me. He's flat out yelled at me for not putting a chair back before. How frustrating is this?!? I am scared to go practice because they either up-down me in a creepy rapist manner or dish out a heaping helping of disrespect. There are times that I've avoided practicing because of them. I understand it's their job to keep Hughes looking oh-so-sleek but it is MY building. I pay tuition to go there. And I cannot go anywhere else to practice. So they need to start returning the freaking favor at either ignore me completely of speak civilly to me.

Alright- my grateful thingy of the day is MUSIC NERDINESS. I never realized how much I missed it until I was working last night and Liz Thompson said something along the lines of how her whistling range and horn range are the same. And I miss that. I miss band. And the general sharing of music and musical awesomeness.

MKH

Restless in C-Bus

Some days I just have a need to go somewhere, just for the sake of getting away for a bit. Kelly and I both call it dark swirly, it's something that just happens randomly but inescapably. It very well may be hormones, part of the womanly crazy. Just so guys know- we know we are being irrational but we simply cannot help it. It's just the way it is and I apologize for that.

I need to take a walk for a very long time. I need to get out of this cramped little apartment and this overheated room. The air is too thick for me. And it's not anyones fault.

Alright, walk to the oval to shake this shit off. Work week starts tomorrow! Hellooooo money.

MKH

OH- my thing I am grateful for today- riding in a car during sunset with all the windows down as well as my hair. Also- epic music and good people are a necessity. That is an amazing kind of content.

Limbo

I've been through 2 years of college now and I'm kind of done with it. I don't really like to party in the stereotypical collegiate way- I'd much rather go to a nice bar or restaurant with a bunch of friends and just not move for a few hours. Laugh a little too loud. But of course I can't really do this because according to the law I am underage. Because of course I am far too irresponsible to drink appropriately. Mhmm. I am tired of dorm rooms with bad wireless and even though I love living with people the ability to just have my own room would be nice.

I've always been told that practicing gets much more difficult when you get a forty hour a week job. However, based on the fact that I've been working forty to fifty hours a week this summer and thus far have run and practiced more than I ever have during the school year says differently. Thats the funny thing- during the school year I work thirty hours a week and I haven't taken below twenty credit hours since my second quarter. Any hope of working out is instantly gone and honestly when you have class at 8:30 straight through till 3:18 and then a 4 hour shift from 4 till 8 practicing gets tough, let alone taking care of myself in terms of sleep, hobbies, and eating well. I feel like college should be a time to explore yourself, a time when you discover what you want and who you are. I wish that it was a time where you can take a moment and just reflect, maybe get a moment to catch your breath. On the contrary, I think the schedule that is demanded by most college students makes you lose yourself. It's all you can do to just keep up with the motions of every day life. Reason dies, the time for deeper thought is wasted away. In such a crucial point in our lives we have no time to dedicate to us. College is limbo, I feel like I'm stuck between who I was in high school and who I will become in "real life".

I want to be able to read books that I want to read and that feed my soul. I want to be able to actually practice my instrument as thoroughly as I want to. Or what if just for an afternoon I want to sit on a hammock and think about what the clouds look like? I would like to get to know myself and in turn grow close to others. Human interaction is so give and take, it's hard to touch another person and in turn be touched if you don't know what you have to give. This is my frustration-please understand I know I am fortunate. This is the time to be a sponge and absorb everything around me. The only problem is half the time I feel like I'm regurgitating all of this information I've been fed with no thought put into it at all. Perhaps the fault is my own. I do not know. All I know is this year I am going to try like the dickens to keep balance in my life.

On a lighter note- great weekend full of bike riding and great food. Last night for dinner we had Johnsonville Brats, Baked potatoes- hand made of course, fresh string beans, and grilled corn on the cob seasoned with hickory smoked sea salt. It was absolutely delicious. Alright, off to practice some scales!

Maybe this is all I need hahaha:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjZCMNFxCkw

A Big Announcement

Ladies and Gentleman-

It is my pleasure to announce the newly dubbed:

Victoria!

That's all I've got for right now- I feel like the naming of my horn is a big step. It's especially poignent because Henry's euphonium is named Albert. Like Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. We did this without collaboration. Ballin'!

OK- I promise there will actually be deeper posts in the future, but it's Friday! Get out there and seize the day!

Happy weekend- MKH

A Kind of Ramble

Yeah, I did it. I jumped on the blogging bandwagon. I have no reason such as keeping in touch with people as I study abroad or trying to share delicious recipes with the world.

Nope. This is purely selfish.

I just realized this thing has a little built-in hash tag box. Fantastic!

So here I am sitting cross-legged on the couch and waiting to buy Jason Mraz tickets. That's right, he's coming to Columbus. Secretly I harbor a fantasy that this time, the third time I see him, I will somehow be able to sneak back-stage and attach myself to his leg. Henry, don't worry- as Stephanie would say, "It's not sexual, it's just an urge." And dats troof. I dig his groove. But ANYWAYS-

Today I really appreciate my iPod. I mean....it's all the music you could want, all the music you own IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND. Young Victoria soundtrack? Bam. Hollywood Goes to War, Disc 1 AND 2? Pow. Maybe a little Mahler? Kaboom. It's all there. And ready to be mashed to fit whatever mood you are in. THAT is magic.

Right now? London Calling by The Clash

Alright, I'm off- these walls aren't going to paint themselves.

This is MKH signing off.