Limbo

I've been through 2 years of college now and I'm kind of done with it. I don't really like to party in the stereotypical collegiate way- I'd much rather go to a nice bar or restaurant with a bunch of friends and just not move for a few hours. Laugh a little too loud. But of course I can't really do this because according to the law I am underage. Because of course I am far too irresponsible to drink appropriately. Mhmm. I am tired of dorm rooms with bad wireless and even though I love living with people the ability to just have my own room would be nice.

I've always been told that practicing gets much more difficult when you get a forty hour a week job. However, based on the fact that I've been working forty to fifty hours a week this summer and thus far have run and practiced more than I ever have during the school year says differently. Thats the funny thing- during the school year I work thirty hours a week and I haven't taken below twenty credit hours since my second quarter. Any hope of working out is instantly gone and honestly when you have class at 8:30 straight through till 3:18 and then a 4 hour shift from 4 till 8 practicing gets tough, let alone taking care of myself in terms of sleep, hobbies, and eating well. I feel like college should be a time to explore yourself, a time when you discover what you want and who you are. I wish that it was a time where you can take a moment and just reflect, maybe get a moment to catch your breath. On the contrary, I think the schedule that is demanded by most college students makes you lose yourself. It's all you can do to just keep up with the motions of every day life. Reason dies, the time for deeper thought is wasted away. In such a crucial point in our lives we have no time to dedicate to us. College is limbo, I feel like I'm stuck between who I was in high school and who I will become in "real life".

I want to be able to read books that I want to read and that feed my soul. I want to be able to actually practice my instrument as thoroughly as I want to. Or what if just for an afternoon I want to sit on a hammock and think about what the clouds look like? I would like to get to know myself and in turn grow close to others. Human interaction is so give and take, it's hard to touch another person and in turn be touched if you don't know what you have to give. This is my frustration-please understand I know I am fortunate. This is the time to be a sponge and absorb everything around me. The only problem is half the time I feel like I'm regurgitating all of this information I've been fed with no thought put into it at all. Perhaps the fault is my own. I do not know. All I know is this year I am going to try like the dickens to keep balance in my life.

On a lighter note- great weekend full of bike riding and great food. Last night for dinner we had Johnsonville Brats, Baked potatoes- hand made of course, fresh string beans, and grilled corn on the cob seasoned with hickory smoked sea salt. It was absolutely delicious. Alright, off to practice some scales!

Maybe this is all I need hahaha:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjZCMNFxCkw