So Much To Say

In many many ways I am about thirty years old. I do not drink irresponsibly- although officially I drink not at all due to age. Also, when faced with the decision between anything and sleep, I always choose sleep. Always. I enjoy a good game of euchre as well. Yes indeed. I am thirty.

BUT-

there is one way I think I am still 19. And young, full of promise, blah blah blah, and that is my dreams. There is the fact that my life could take all of these possible roads and that the entire world is my oyster! Which is an awesome feeling. So here we go, some fantasies that pass through my mind from day-to-day.

#1- Being a world famous and world class conductor. I don't want to be directly in the limelight....well I mean I would kind of be, but the ability to shape and interpret music and share it with the world would be freaking awesome.

#2- Culinary school. I love food in a pretty big way. And as I grow older I find my palate is becoming more developed- I enjoy all of these new flavors and more importantly as I cook more I realize how amazing food is! So the plan is to eventually go to culinary school as I take gigs on and off broadway to help pay for it. Win.

#3- Rock star. Or just popular musician. Part of it is that I've caught the fame bug. Being famous, when balanced and managed well, can be a fantastic. A dear friend recently gave me some Dave Matthews Band CDs and I've become addicted. Can you imagine being Dave Matthews Band famous? Imagine looking out and seeing thousands of people gathered just to hear what you've written and the message you want to convey. That's one of the most rewarding experiences I can think of.

What is comes down to is: I've got so much to say. And I've got so much to give, I want to cook for people and sing to them and collaborate with them. I want to connect with them, be there in some weird way to help the rejoice in the good times and give them hope in the bad. Chin up love, it will all be OK. Over this hill there's a beautiful sunrise. This is what I mean by I feel like I'm going to explode- I just want to touch all the people I can and not in some weird self-validating way but because that human connection is what we're all here for. No matter what you think it is not the job or having money (although I'm realizing how much not having any can weigh on a person) that will make us happy or fulfilled. It is the connections that we share with other people that we will really be remembered for and what really affects the world around us. I think this is why teaching is so appealing to me- to have that kind of impact on kids would be such an honor and such a huge responsibility. This is why being a rock star would be so appealing; not only do I get to play for an audience but I would form a bond with my bandmates. One thing hold true for all of these situations from what I've gathered and that is in order to really give all of yourself you must get over yourself. Self-conscious on the podium? Forget about it kid. Trying to jam or write anything without being able to accept criticism or while feeling hesitant? It will be an instant flop. Just tune in, turn off, drop out, drop in, switch off, switch on, and explode.

Mah little bit of gratitude goes out to band trips. After a peaceful weekend in Farmersville Henry and I were headed back in the car when I started to talk about band trips and suddenly I remembered how freaking FANTASTIC they were. Virginia Beach and Fiestaval will live on in my heart forever as will the creepy little crabs, the sting ray pod, and the walks down to Dairy Queen. And then Disney World! "Bus 3, No AC!" and the utter joy of Disney. Oh, good times. The best of times.

OK loyal readers, get out there and spread some love. It is a Sunday afterall.

-Marizzle