I wish more than anything that Eat Pray Love didn't apply to my life. I wish I had actual words for the "Why?"s that have surfaced. I wish I could take away the pain I have caused. I don't regret it. I don't take it back. It just feels like shit right now and I guess it's supposed to.
Being the one being broken up with may be more painful, but being the one doing the breaking up is much more confusing. It makes you question yourself a lot. And instead of being able to be blameless in the ending of the relationship, you feel directly responsible for the other person's pain. Because, quite frankly, you are. I am.
I would like very much to just run away from all this now. Or fast forward ten years from now and be able to say, "Oh, that's why this whole mess happened." The whole "hindsight is 2o/2o" thing.

For Lent I am not giving anything up, but rather I am adding prayer and meditation to my life on a daily basis. I can't do this to myself or someone else again. I need to remain in touch with the voice of God inside of me. Well...that's all I've got to say. Sad dark swirly days.