I have tried pretty hard to keep everything together and keep my focus. So far it's worked- I played a pretty damn good jury, or at least my best one yet. I am now the Treasurer of OCMEA. I laugh a lot more than I have in a really long time. I play guitar. I hang out with friends I haven't seen in a while. I even joke about naming my cat Dave Meowthews.
But for the life of me I cannot study for this stupid Geography Exam.
I know I shouldn't use my blog as a journal. I won't get into too many details and I know that there will always be that feeling that there were things left unsaid.
I tell myself I am fine. And most of the time I am. But there are some times of course that I am just very sad. What's easy and what's for the best are hardly ever the same thing. I know I have done what's best for me and what I needed to do. I know that finally saying "enough" and protecting what was left of myself was what was right for me. But I think... I think I suck at communicating. I think that maybe if I had said something earlier we could've grown together. But instead I just sat on my emotions and became more and more detached. I separated myself to a point where there was no going back. That is my biggest regret about all of this. I know that I could not act on lessons I hadn't learned yet, but isn't that kind of sad too? There's just so much I would do differently now.
I have tried to be the person who always thinks, "What can I learn from this?" but sometimes what I forget is that there are times that life just SUCKS. Even after you've learned all you can from a situation it still aches. I especially hate it when I'm going about my life and there's this place where he should be. And I think "Oh, I'll tell him that later." and then with a pang realize that no, I won't.
I trust that this is all for the best. God, I really hope it is.
MKH
PS: FUCK ENVIRONMENTAL GEOGRAPHY.
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